Kenyan Drake Reports to the Ravens Wearing His Hilarious 'Miami Miracle' Hoodie
[Obi Wan voice]: Kenyan Drake. Now there's a name I've not thought of for a loo-oo-oong time...
I mean, I know he's been around the league. Had a couple of touchdowns for Raiders last year. And has been out so far this season but is returning to the Ravens. But his place in history is forever cemented in this moment from 2018:
And good on him that he's still celebrating it. That "GRONKOWSKI DIDN'T HAVE THE <" hoodie is as hilarious it inspired by pythagoras and euclid. well having the added bonus of being football accurate. not that i think it, belichick's decision to play deep umbrella coverage with gronk back defend against hail mary probably one moments could've this list posted yesterday:< p>
Just for laughs, I went back to the Knee Jerk Reaction blog I wrote immediately after. Sticking to an M. Night Shyamalan twist ending theme:
–They were dead all along. Miami’s stadium – Joe Robbie Margaritaville Hard Shark Dolphins Pro Life Park or whatever they’re calling it now – is just the East Coast distributor of the weirdness that always seems to happen in Denver. Missed kicks, muffed punts, odd bounces. Stephen Gostkowski’s missed extra point after being perfect all season was just the first clue that things were going to go horribly, horribly wrong in that turquoise and orange Charnel House.
–Water kills the aliens. Frank Gore, who’s about six months from appearing on daytime TV selling your grandparents reverse mortgages and that cane that stands up by itself, shredded the defense for a 36-yard run.
–The village is really in modern times. Brandon Bolden, who probably didn’t crack 50 yards total in his Patriots career, shredded the defense for a 54-yard touchdown run.
–Mr. Glass is really a criminal mastermind. Tom Brady forgot they were out of time outs at the end of the half. So the most cerebral, focused, situationally aware quarterback in NFL history suddenly went all Manny Ramirez on us, took a sack instead of throwing the ball away and kept an easy three points off the board.
–The trees are making people kill themselves. None of which should distract us from the fact that even if the Pats hadn’t bungled that last play, it would’ve been one of the few times ever a team won a game in which they were physically dominated, on both sides of the line. On offense and defense both, the Dolphins pushed them around, particularly on the interior.
Wow. I really did hammer that metaphor. I rarely impress myself with my own work, but I do appreciate how I managed to eat every scrap of meat off that bone and then suck out the marrow. The bad beats will do that to me. I suffer for my art, now it's your turn.
So yeah, that was a tough one. A viral loss. A meme. Sweatshirt worthy, even five seasons later. Congratulations to Drake and the Dolphins. Now and forever. Or so it would appear because Miami's fan accounts on X/Twitter are making a regular habit of posting it every chance they get the way Pats fans do the anniversary of the Butt Fumble every Thanksgiving.
But there's a small, key element that's missing in all these nostalgia. A few, actually. Beginning with the fact that this stunning upset (the Patriots were -9.5) that brought the Dolphins to 7-6, was their last victory celebration of the season. They went 0-3 the rest of the way and missed the playoffs.
Continuing with the fact the loss threw the Patriots into such a death spiral that they lost again the following week at Pittsburgh - despite the fact they were road favorites - thanks to them scoring only 10 points and 14 penalties (!!!) resulting in 106 penalty yards. And once again, the Dynasty was declared dead:
All of which makes the Miami Miracle so unforgettable. In Miami.
In New England, it's nothing but a historical footnote. A plot point. That terrible moment at the end of the second act where you think all hope is lost, before the protagonists get their heroic shit together and save the day. The 2018 Pats never looked back. Or lost another game after the one in Pittsburgh. Instead they went into Kansas City and beat them in the championship game and ended the Super Bowl like this:
And that's fine. Again, good on Kenyan Drake for enjoying his moment in the sun. That was the Dolphins' Super Bowl, just as so many other teams have enjoyed their regular season Super Bowl with a win over New England. The Jets used to have one every couple of years. One time Eric Mangini got a Gatorade bath in Cleveland for beating the Pats. In Week 9. On his way to 5-11 and getting fired. And leave us never forget that time in 2012 when the Texans rolled into Foxboro 11-1 and had Letterman jackets made up for themselves to get jacked up for their Super Bowl on Monday Night Football. They lost 42-14. And a month later came back in the playoffs and lost 41-28 in a game that was never that close. The next year they were 2-14. But then again, losing a "Super Bowl" can be hard on a franchise.
It's just around here, we only celebrate the kind that don't need quotation marks. Regular season wins are terrific. But we don't sell merch to celebrate them any more than we buy AFC Champions t-shirts. Or Letterman jackets. Some teams just have higher standards than others.